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05 September 2007 @ 09:44 pm
Fic: The One That Really Matters  
Title: The One That Really Matters
Pairing: Sirius/Snape (Marauder’s Era)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mild fluff (definitely nothing tooth-rottingly sweet.)
Disclaimer: Alas, nothing is mine.
Word count: Around 6200
Summary: The Christmas holidays draw closer and Snape gets another letter.
A/N: Fifth part in my WIP Snack series. Previous parts are Midnight Company, Best Laid Plans, Mischief Managed and Revelations and Realizations.

Art to go with this part: First Snow. My time line is a bit wonky and I hope it doesn't bother anyone too much. i.e. The Marauder's Map wasn't actually created until their sixth year. Feedback is always appreciated :)





The One That Really Matters



The first day of December arrived sooner than anyone had expected and suddenly the entire school was looking forward to the holidays. Lessons felt longer and days felt like weeks. Everywhere you went people were in a cheerful mood and planning the holidays. But among the happy students there were some who were less excited.


“You going home for Christmas?” James asked Sirius as they made their way to the castle. Their Quidditch practise had been exceptionally good and James had managed to catch the Snitch three times in one hour. The air was brisk and every breath they took evaporated in front of their faces. Despite the heavy, grey clouds that drooped low in the sky, it hadn't snowed yet.


“I suppose I'll have to,” Sirius groaned, not too happy about the prospect of going home for the holidays. “Mother will expect the entire family to be present at Christmas dinner. The whole pure-blood-loving bunch will be there,” he finished, wrinkling his nose in disgust. “I can't wait to hear Bella's annual speech about the excellence of pure-blood families and how my being in Gryffindor is a disgrace to the name of Black.”


James gave his friend a sympathetic look and patted Sirius's shoulder with a brown mitten. “If it gets too bad, you can always come to my house,” he said.


“Thanks.” Sirius gave James a grateful smile and rubbed his hands together. “Bloody hell it's freezing.” He had forgotten his gloves in the locker room and his fingers were beginning to grow stiff. Sniffing the air, Sirius came to the conclusion that the first snow would fall later that evening.


The castle steps were slippery and had already claimed two victims. Both of them now enjoyed a nice bottle of Skele-Gro in the hospital wing. Careful not to fall in the stairs, Sirius and James stumbled into the Entrance Hall where Filch was dragging a timid-looking first year into his office. “Poor sod,” said James, shaking his head. He licked his lips as a wave of delicious smells reached his nose. “I'm starving,” James informed. He started towards the double doors of the Great Hall where dinner was already being served.


“Didn't we promise we'd get Remus and Peter from the library after practice?” Sirius asked, tugging at his maroon and gold scarf which was twined around his neck. “Moony's helping Peter with his Potions essay.”


James stopped in front of the doorway and turned to face his friend. “But I'm hungry,” he complained. “They know it's dinner time, they'll join us sooner or later.”


“No they won't,” Sirius said, shaking his head. “You know how Remus gets when he goes to the library. He'll sit there until closing time.” Sirius started towards the marble staircase. His friend looked miserable and Sirius sighed, taking pity on James. “Fine, you go ahead and save us a seat,” he said, climbing the first two steps. “I'll go and get them; I don't want Wormy to go to bed with an empty stomach.”


“Nobody wants that,” James rolled his eyes, reminded of the time Peter had missed dinner because of detention. He had been so grumpy and whiny that by the end of the day, even Remus had wanted to strangle him. “Thanks mate, “ James called after Sirius who was already at the top of the staircase.


Sirius entered the library and it was a whole different sight compared to the one from his previous visit. The torches were all lit and the tables were filled with students. Only the lack of noise hadn't changed. When Sirius passed Madam Pince, she gave him a stern look from behind her desk. “Can I help you?” she asked, sounding suspicious, apparently aware that Sirius wasn't a regular in her library.


“I'm just here to get my friends,” Sirius told her in a wary tone. He tried to flash her a winning smile.


“I see.” Madam Pince gave Sirius an assessing gaze. “I trust you know the rules.” She pointed at a marble plate which hung on the wall behind her back. It contained a list of things that were forbidden in the library. No noise, no food, no drinks, no mistreating the books or leaving them laying around and no admittance to the Restricted Section without a signed note of permission.


Sirius gave a nod and backed away from her desk. When he was sure her watchful eyes couldn't reach him, he allowed himself to breath normally. He walked amid the tables and tried to locate his friends. Sirius had searched for more than ten minutes and his winter robes were starting to feel too warm and his stomach gave a loud rumble. He noticed he had reached the very end of the library and stood before an area that was barred by a rope. Above hung a sign that read 'The Restricted Section'. Beyond was a dark area that was filled with dusty bookshelves. Sirius noticed every single book they contained was chained with heavy shackles.


He turned away from the ominous-looking books and looked around. Remus and Peter were nowhere to be found and Sirius was beginning to feel annoyed. And just when he thought he should have gone with James and let Peter starve, he laid his eyes on Snape. Sirius felt his stomach flip with excitement. With Quidditch practise and lesson in the way, they hadn't had a proper meeting since Sirius's previous visit to the library. And though it had only been three weeks ago, it felt like at least two months had passed. They shared a few classes every week, but Sirius couldn't exactly walk up to Snape and strike a conversation with him without attracting suspicious gazes.


The Slytherin was sitting alone at a nearby table, surrounded by a barrier of books he had piled around him. Judging by the heavy padlocks, a few of them were from the Restricted Section. Sirius grinned as he slipped past a set of chairs and edged closer. Coming to a halt, he sneaked behind Snape's back and glanced over his shoulder. There were several parchments on the table, filled from top to bottom. Snape seemed to be working on a long essay and Sirius guessed it was the paper Slughorn had set at the beginning of the week. Sirius himself hadn't even taken out his quill yet, though Remus kept reminding him and James that the essay was due on Monday. He knew he could finish it in one night and get an okay grade.


Snape seemed to register his presence because the quill in his hand stopped moving. He glanced behind his back, and judging by the surprised look on his face, Sirius was the last person Snape had expected to see.


“No wonder you're Slughorn's favourite,” Sirius remarked, his eyes fixed on the parchments that lay on the table. “Personally, I'd say that's an overkill.”


“Black-” Snape's words were cut short when someone called to Sirius.


“Sirius, over here!”


Sirius felt his stomach lurch as he recognized Remus's voice. He wheeled around and laid his eyes on his friend who was sitting a small distance away. Next to Remus sat Peter and he was a miserable heap in his chair. His mood seemed to lift, however, when he saw Sirius. “Is it time to eat?” Peter asked eagerly and began to pack his things.


Sirius glanced at Snape who had already withdrawn into his shell. Hiding behind the books, the Slytherin had resumed his writing and sat hunched in his seat, his hair hanging in front of his eyes like a dark curtain. Sirius turned his attention back to Remus and Peter and realized they were heading his way. Sirius hurried away from Snape before his friends could join him.


“Where's James?” Remus asked and studied the uneasy expression on Sirius's face. His friend looked like a kid who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.


“He's saving us a seat in the Great Hall,” Sirius said, laying his hand on Remus's back so he could guide his friend toward the exit. Peter was already several steps ahead of them. Before they could get too far, Sirius glanced over his shoulder and found Snape staring at him from his table. But when their eyes met, the Slytherin hid himself behind the wall of books.


They made their way out of the library and when they descended the marble staircase, they found the Entrance Hall was packed. People were moving into the Great Hall in a steady flow and they were forced to join the queue. As they followed the mass of students into the next room, Sirius's thoughts went back to Snape - or to be precise, to the books he'd seen on his table. “Moony,” Sirius began. “Why are the books in the Restricted Section - well, restricted?” He gave his friend a frown when he saw the amused look on Remus's face. His question made it pretty clear that he hadn't bothered to visit the library as often as he probably should have.


“Why do you ask?” Remus tried to look serious, but there was still a small grin on his lips.


“Just curious, I guess,” Sirius said, trying to sound casual. They had reached the Gryffindor table and found James sitting in their usual spot. His soup bowl was already half empty.


“Well, the books are forbidden, of course,” Remus began as they sat down. Sirius took a seat next to him and poured soup into his bowl, waiting for Remus to continue. With his eyes on Remus, some of the soup spilled on the table and the Gryffindor girl next to him gave Sirius a disgusted look. “They contain stuff that isn't taught in any class – dark stuff,” Remus said and gave Sirius a meaningful look. “You could probably find over a hundred different ways to kill someone in those books. Only older students who are taking Advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts are allowed in the Restricted Section,” Remus said, pausing to swallow a few spoonfuls of fish soup.


Sirius followed his example and sank his spoon into the yellowish broth. He frowned as he realized Snape wasn't old enough to be taking Advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts. How did he have forbidden books on his table, then? Remus answered his question before he could ask it.


“But you can get access even if you're a first year student. All you need is a signed note from a teacher,” Remus explained. “Some teachers are more strict with this policy, but I hear Slughorn is a safe bet, especially if you're in his good graces. Just give him a box of crystallized pineapples and the permission is yours.”


Sirius frowned into his soup, his face reflecting from the surface in a distorted blur. Snape was definitely in good terms with their obese Potions master. Not only was Snape one of his favorite students, together with Lily Evans, but Slughorn was also the Head of Slytherin House. Sirius's frown deepened. He could guess why Snape was borrowing books filled with dark magic. Where did he get the knowledge for his spells if not from the Restricted Section. Sirius felt a strong surge of the familiar hatred towards Snape. He could overlook most of Snape's more unpleasant sides, like belonging to a rival House. But the fascination with the Dark Arts was something Sirius couldn't understand or tolerate. He stared into his bowl, seething, but his thoughts were interrupted when Remus set his spoon aside and cleared his throat.


“We'll get one more full moon before Christmas,” Remus said, his voice suddenly feeble and tired. His friends could tell he was dreading the monthly transformation. Sirius felt his mood sink even lower. He hadn't taken Padfoot's form since the horrible flea infestation. The mere thought of the vermin made him shudder. During the November full moon, Remus had seen his reluctance to transform and had insisted that Sirius stayed behind. And Sirius had never felt as guilty as he did the next day when he'd seen the shape his friend was in. Never again would he abandon Remus, even if it meant being eaten alive by parasites.
“I think I can finally manage both antlers,” James said from across the table. They had been working on becoming Animagi since their second year. They had practiced the transformations the entire fourth year, and had finally mastered the talent during the previous summer. But they were nowhere near perfect and sometimes their animal forms were lacking. James usually missed one or both antlers and Sirius often had deformed pads in his front paws. Listing all the ways Peter's transformations had gone wrong would have taken ages.


The unpleasant thought of having to transform into Padfoot took his mind away from the forbidden books Snape had been reading. And though Sirius had a talent for holding onto a grudge, the anger he'd felt only moments ago was already forgotten. Sipping his cooling soup, Sirius glanced at the heavy clouds up in the ceiling. Grinning to himself, he decided it was time to send the Slytherin another letter.


*



Severus was descending the marble staircase when a large, grey owl swooped in through the open doors of the Great Hall. It flew straight at him and for a moment Severus thought its outstretched claws were aimed at his scalp. But the bird merely dropped the letter it was carrying and flew away. The envelope landed on top to the books Severus was clutching in his arms. He stared at it and knew who had sent it; there was no mistaking the illegible handwriting.


Severus made his way into the Great Hall. It was growing empty as more and more people were finished with their dinner. He had spent the entire evening in the library, working on his Potions essay. His concentration had suffered after the quick visit from Black, but Severus had managed to finish the sixth and final parchment. He knew he had exceeded the word limit and that he would probably get good marks with smaller effort. But it wasn't just the grades he was after. His thirst for knowledge was insatiable. Scientia potentia est - knowledge is power, Severus told himself every time his fellow Slytherins laughed at his bookish demeanor. The more he knew, the further he would be from the grey misery of Spinner's End. Knowledge would give him power to leave everything behind – even his Muggle father wouldn't matter.


Severus took a seat at the end of the Slytherin table and set his books on the long bench. He held the letter in his hands and turned his eyes to the Gryffindor table. Apparently Black had already eaten because the table was empty, save for three seventh year Gryffindors. Not wasting any time, he ripped the envelope open and pulled the note out. Severus read it, set it on the table, picked it up and read it again. Black wanted to see him in half an hour from now, at a well-hidden statue that stood in the grounds near the castle. Severus stared at the letter, tracing a finger across his lip.


It had been three weeks since he'd met with Black in the library. And during those three weeks Severus had had plenty of time to lie in his bed at night and argue with himself as sleep evaded him. He'd told himself everything about this situation with Black was insane, wasn't meant to be and would never work. And his body would respond by showing him dreams that always ended up with him thrusting into his mattress and waking up to a sticky mess. Severus kept promising himself he would put an end to this... this charade. But as soon as their eyes met in the hallways, his resolution wavered. And he knew that if he'd agree to meet Black tonight, there would be no turning back. Staring at the letter and the thin scribbling, Severus closed his eyes and made a decision.


*



Sirius leaned against a frost-covered state of a headless baroness. Her mossy head lay on the ground a few feet away from the rest of her body. It was only half past eight so Sirius wasn't breaking curfew. The sun had set some hours ago, but the waxing moon provided him with light. The temperature had dropped since their Quidditch practice and Sirius had to pull up the collar of his robes. He straightened up when he heard light footsteps nearby, crunching on the frosty grass. Smiling to himself, Sirius tightened his grip on the broom he had brought with him and started towards the approaching footsteps. Snape's hunched form emerged from the shadows. He had stuck his hands deep in the pockets of his robes and though it was dusky, Sirius could see his teeth were clattering.


"You got my note," Sirius said and gave Snape a pleased nod.


Snape stopped a few feet away from Sirius and glanced around. "Was it really necessary to meet out here?" he asked, burying his chin in the silver and green scarf that was twined around his neck in a tight bundle. "It's freezing."


Sirius didn't answer as he came to stand in front of the Slytherin. Snape fixed his eyes on Sirius's broom. It was a Star Sweeper, the fastest broom in the 1974 - 1975 catalogue, by courtesy of his uncle Alphard. His parents didn't want any part in the possible victory of the Gryffindor Quidditch team and Regulus was the only one who had received a broomstick from them.


"Well, come on then," Sirius said, a sly grin playing on his lips. He set his broom between them and it hovered a few feet above the ground.


"Where are we going?" Snape asked with narrowed eyes. "And you didn't say anything about bringing a broom," he pointed out, eyeing the mahogany broomstick.


"You can fly with me," Sirius said. He flung his robes aside and mounted the Star Sweeper. "Come on," he beckoned for Snape to take a seat in front of him. The Slytherin stared at him, looking aghast. Sirius raised his brows expectantly and Snape shook his head.


"You're out of your mind if you think I'm getting on that broomstick, Black," Snape said, taking a step back. "I'd rather use one of the school's rickety brushwood sticks than let you fly me around."


Sirius rolled his eyes and let out an almost feral growl. He edged closer and grabbed the sleeve of the Slytherin's robes. Snape stared with a stunned look on his face as Sirius dragged him forward and forced him on the broomstick. Snape fell on it sideways and Sirius twined one arm around his stomach and kicked off the ground. Snape was too shocked to protest, his face livid with fear. He stared at Sirius with wide eyes, his arms flailing helplessly until Sirius forced him to grab a tight hold of his robes.


They rose higher and below the statue of the headless baroness grew smaller and smaller. When they got above the treetops, the air was so cold and biting that Sirius felt his eyes begin to water. He blinked to clear them and laid his gaze on Snape's sullen face. The Slytherin was staring at him, his hands still reluctantly grasping Sirius's woollen robes. The look on his face was murderous. His jaw was clenched and his mouth was twisting into a thin line.


The cutting wind whistled in their ears as they soared above the castle. The massive stone walls were filled with dozens of small windows, most of them lit while some remained dark and were like gaping mouths. Sirius swooped down and circled the Astronomy tower before heading towards the Black Lake. He felt the grip on his robes tighten and guessed Snape wasn't exactly enjoying the flight. Sirius held the broom straight and flew as steadily as he could when they reached the dark surface of the lake. He steered down until their reflection was visible in the water. Snape was edging away, trying to get as far from Sirius as possible. Sirius gave the Slytherin an angry glare and shook his head. He tightened his hold around Snape's stomach and pulled him closer. “You don't want to fall,” he said and forced the broom into a steep rise.


The castle grew smaller as they left it behind their backs and flew across the lake. Sirius glanced at the dark clouds. Shafts of silvery moonlight cut through them and shone down on the inky lake. Snape was fidgeting against his chest and Sirius saw the cold was becoming too much for him. He headed towards the shoreline and searched the grounds for a good place to land. He laid his eyes on a small clearing, and tightening his hold on Snape, he set the broom into a dizzying drop. They landed smoothly and Snape immediately stumbled off the broom. He stepped away from Sirius and nearly fell on his back. Sirius glanced around the clearing. It had a nice view of the sky and the rippling surface of the lake stretched out on their right. “Well, what do you think?” he asked, turning his attention to Snape.


“What do I think?” Snape spat. “I think you shouldn't be allowed within six feet of the broom cupboard, Black.”


“About this place,” Sirius sighed, pointing at their surroundings.


Snape straightened his robes and looked around. It was dark, so he took out his wand and lit the tip. “Why are we here?” he asked, ignoring Sirius's question.


“It's quiet and secluded,” Sirius said and set his broom against a knobby old tree trunk.


“I can see that,” Snape said, irritation still audible in his voice. “What are we supposed to be doing here? It's freezing.” He twined his robes around himself more tightly and rubbed his arms.


Sirius eyed Snape's set of winter robes. He could tell they were hand-me-downs and not nearly as warm and comfortable as his own. Sirius couldn't say he knew a lot about Snape, but he had always assumed the Slytherin wasn't from a wealthy family. Snape had most likely grown up in a working-class family somewhere far away from London.


Snape seemed to be aware of his gaze and twitched uncomfortably. Sirius came to stand before him and smelled the air. “Black?” Snape asked, his voice muffled by the scarf around his neck. “What are we-”


“Just wait,” Sirius said and fixed his eyes on the clouds that hung above their heads.


“Wait for what?” Snape asked, sounding confused. When he got no answer, he followed Sirius's example and began to watch the clouds. They were silent for several minutes. The forest around them was soundless and even the air seemed stagnant. Not a single leaf or grass rustled and everything was quiet.


And one by one small snowflakes began to fall from the dark sky. They drifted down slowly, hovering from side to side and landed in their hair and on their cold cheeks. The first snowflakes were tiny and frail, but as more began to fall down, they stuck together and the snowfall became thicker. Sirius looked down and watched Snape with half-lidded eyes. The Slytherin was staring up, unaware of Sirius's gaze. He blinked as heavy flakes got caught in his dark eyelashes. There was a wet sheen on his cheeks where the snow was being melted by his skin. Snape kept looking up, his eyes alight with almost childlike innocence. Sirius was reminded of his younger brother and how Regulus had always looked forward to the first snow when they were little.


Sirius was allowed to stare a while longer before Snape finally met his eyes. He realized Sirius had been watching him. Snape lowered his gaze and sank his face into his woollen scarf. He glanced up and Sirius gave Snape an encouraging smile. And though the Slytherin's lips were hidden by the scarf, Sirius could tell from the glint in his ink black eyes that Snape was returning his smile.


The snowfall became thicker and the frosty grass began to turn white. The heavy snowflakes seemed to whisper in the air as they fell to the ground all around them. Sirius could sense something had changed between them. He could almost smell it in the air, as if the change had come with the falling snow. He stretched out his right arm and caught some of the white flakes into his mitten. Turning his eyes to Snape, he could tell the other boy was aware of the change as well.


They watched each other in silence, their hair and robes growing damp with the falling snow. Sirius's wavy hair was suddenly more curly while Snape's black strands stuck to his pale cheeks. Sirius reached out with his hand and leaned forward, his movements somewhat rigid and hesitant. He brushed some of the wet, stringy hair away from Snape's cheek and tucked it behind his ear with clumsy mitten-clad fingers. The Slytherin allowed it and Sirius gave him a wordless question with his eyes. And when Snape seemed to nod vaguely, Sirius moved closer. He licked his lips, his face inches away from Snape's. Sirius blinked his eyes nervously. He knew he had kissed Snape before but this time something was different. It felt like this one really mattered.


Sirius couldn't believe he actually had butterflies in his stomach. He tried to remind himself of all the girls he'd kissed in the past in order to calm his nerves. Snape was watching him with expectant eyes, waiting. Sirius inhaled through his nose and closed the remaining distance with a jerky movement. Their cold lips met and they merely held them pressed together, their hands hanging at their sides. Snape's fingers twitched inside his grey gloves. The wand in his other hand was pointing at the ground and cast a pale light on the fresh snow. Sirius could feel Snape's lashes fanning against his cheek. He considered slipping his tongue past the cold lips, his confidence slowly returning. Sirius could hear Snape inhale through his nose as he began to deepen the kiss.


His tongue brushed against the Slytherin's uneven teeth, and pressing their lips together more tightly, Sirius could feel Snape was beginning to respond. And it was the first time Sirius could tell Snape wasn't holding back. The Slytherin was actually returning his kiss, leaning closer and grasping the thick sleeve of Sirius's robes. Snape's tongue was warm against Sirius's and though they were still lacking a mutual rhythm, Sirius felt exhilarated. He allowed Snape to take the reign. The Slytherin's tongue was clumsy and his mouth felt almost bruising against Sirius's lips. Everything about the kiss told him Snape wasn't experienced, but Sirius didn't care one bit. The mere knowledge that Snape was finally letting go of his inhibitions was enough to send a tingle down Sirius's spine. He wanted to continue the kiss, but his breathing was becoming shallow. Snape kept leaning closer, deepening the kiss in his growing eagerness. Running out of air, they both began to pull back in an awkward manner, neither of them sure if the kiss was over or not.


Snape lowered his face and licked his lips, visibly out of breath. Sirius watched as his black eyes began to dart around the dark clearing. His own heart was doing somersaults in his chest. His brain was telling him he had just achieved something significant. Sirius licked his lips, now warm and red from Snape's fervent kiss. The Slytherin cleared his throat and Sirius realized one of them would have to say something. To his surprise, it was Snape who broke the silence.
“How did you know it would snow tonight?” Snape asked, catching a snowflake in his grey glove. They had arrived only moments before the first snow of the upcoming winter had begun to fall, and Snape guessed it was the reason Sirius had brought him here.


“I don't know,” Sirius answered and blinked his eyes as more soft flakes got caught in his lashes. “I've just been able to sense things like rain and snow ever since I became an An-” he stopped abruptly and swallowed the rest of his sentence. He lowered his eyes and fidgeted uncomfortably. “Just a lucky guess,” he finished.


Sirius could tell the Slytherin had guessed what he'd been about to say. But Snape didn't make any comment. He pocketed his wand, took a few steps away from Sirius and stopped in front of an opening in the surrounding bushes. It offered a nice view of the Black Lake and the magnificent castle that towered on the other side. Sirius joined him and they watched the view in silence. As more snow fell down and covered the dark ground, their surroundings became brighter. The pale moonlight cast shadows on the white snowdrift as it shone through the branches.


Sirius watched Snape from the corner of his eye and cleared his throat. “So, what are you doing on the holidays?” His voice was somewhat bitter at the thought of Christmas and the memories it brought to mind. Snape treaded the ground with the heel of his shoe and shifted his weight from one side to another. After what felt like ages, he finally spoke.


“I'll stay at Hogwarts,” Snape said. “I always do.” He hadn't spent a single Christmas at home since he had turned eleven. And he never would.


Sirius thought he could hear resentment in Snape's voice. He studied the look on his face and tried to read between the lines. Was Snape as unhappy about the holidays as he was? Even if he didn't know the facts, Sirius felt a strong fellow-feeling for the Slytherin. He wanted to ask Snape why he didn't spend Christmas at home like everyone else, but he was fairly certain he wouldn't get an answer. “How's Christmas at Hogwarts?” he asked instead.


Snape shrugged, staring at the distant castle. “I don't know,” he began. “Okay, I guess. There's lots of food and decorations. Though, not many people stay behind. It's pretty quiet. I mostly just study.”


“You what?” Sirius exclaimed, finding the idea of studying on Christmas holidays impossible to comprehend. “Bloody hell, Snape! Do you ever loosen up?” Sirius sneered half-heartedly.


“Is there something wrong with wanting to do good?” Snape asked in a dangerous tone, narrowing his eyes.


“No, but don't you think brown-nosing the-,”


“Some of us actually have to work for the position you seem to take for granted,” Snape whispered pointedly. “You don't even know how good you have it, Black.”


Sirius realized he had managed to anger the Slytherin. He regretted his ill-timed taunting at once. “I didn't mean-”


“Not all of us are born with silver spoons in our mouths,” Snape interrupted, his tone now dripping with venom.


Sirius frowned and turned to face Snape. “I would give anything to be part of another family,” he said in a raised voice. Snape, too, had managed to strike a sensitive spot. “I hate nearly every single person in my narrow-minded, pure-blood supremacist family and the feeling is mutual.” Sirius glanced at the distant castle. “I'd give anything if I didn't have to go home for the holidays,” he finished, turning his eyes back to Snape. To Sirius's surprise the Slytherin looked enraged.


“How can you say that?” Snape snarled with a fanatical gleam in his narrowed eyes, the bridge of his hooked nose wrinkling in disgust. “You're a pure-blood and you belong to one of the oldest and most well-respected wizarding families. I mean, you're practically royalty.” Snape was visibly agitated, unable to comprehend Sirius's point of view. How could he not appreciate his unspoiled lineage?


Sirius snorted, giving Snape a disgusted look. “Merlin... You sound like my mother.” He shook his head and turned his back on Snape. They fell into a tense silence as snow continued to fall down in thick curtains. Sirius's damp hair was clinging to his cheeks and despite the warm stuffing in his robes, he felt his teeth clatter. He frowned into his Gryffindor scarf. The scene had turned flammable in a matter of mere minutes, and for a moment Sirius wasn't sure if the kiss ever even happened. Hearing the other boy talk so praisingly about his narrow-minded family was a bitter reminder that Snape was indeed a Slytherin.


Sirius wiped his hair away from his cheek with a damp mitten. It felt cold against his skin and made him flinch. He glanced over his shoulder and saw that Snape was standing a few feet away, facing the other direction. His narrow shoulders were hunched and his black hair hung lank against his thin robes. Sirius turned his eyes up to the sky and noticed the clouds were moving away. Behind lay a canvas of bright stars. The snow was falling more sparsely now and the temperature was beginning to drop. Sirius's damp hair was beginning to gather frost and he cursed himself for not wearing a hat. He blinked when he heard his teeth clatter loudly. Sirius clenched his jaw but the sound didn't cease. And looking behind his back, he realized it was Snape whose teeth were doing the clattering.


The smaller boy was still looking the other way. Sirius noticed Snape was shivering with cold. His winter robes really didn't look like they offered much warmth, even though they appeared to be several sizes too big. Sirius turned around slowly, the miserable sight forcing his remaining anger aside. The fresh snow crunched under his feet as he moved closer. Snape seemed to clench his teeth together at the sound and held himself still. He turned his head slightly and Sirius could tell his movements were being watched.


Sirius knew what he wanted to do, but he was afraid of Snape's reaction, especially after the argument they'd just had. Stepping closer, he reached out with his right arm. It wavered and hovered in the air. Sirius pulled it back and his mitten balled into a fist. Frowning, he exhaled through his nose and forced his hand forward in one fluid motion. Sirius laid it on Snape's shoulder and held his breath as he felt the Slytherin flinch. But Snape didn't pull away. He merely watched Sirius from the corner of his eye, allowing the hand to remain on his shoulder. And Sirius edged closer, his left hand parting his thick robes. He noted they were nearly equal in height as he closed the distance and pressed his chest against the Slytherin's back. Sirius spread his robes around Snape and felt the body in his arms grow tense.


Snape's smaller frame felt freezing against Sirius's chest and his own heart was working furiously to pump blood into his veins. But as Snape's remaining body heat began to mingle with his own, Sirius decided this had been a good idea. The body in his arms was relaxing, though Sirius could still sense Snape was on his guard. As the awkward tension was fading, Sirius felt Snape lean closer. The Slytherin cleared his throat and tilted his head so he could watch Sirius from the corner of his eye. “If you really want to spend your holidays here,” Snape began and Sirius's heart jumped with excitement. “I may know a way.”



*
 
 
 
nwhiker: Linneanwhiker on September 5th, 2007 07:25 pm (UTC)
Oh. I can just see them, out there in the snow....

And that kiss was a good one!
not telling!yorda_ on September 6th, 2007 06:34 am (UTC)
Thanksies :) Heh, I'm really looking forward to getting the first snow over here as well, so it was nice to write about it :)
(Deleted comment)
not telling!yorda_ on September 6th, 2007 07:13 am (UTC)
Wow, thank you for the long comment :) You know, when I began to write the flight scene, I was so afraid people would think "aaw man, don't make them go all Aladdin and Jasmine here!" so that was definitely something I wanted to avoid :D

And I wanted to have the fight right after the kiss to emphasis the fact that no matter what their new feelings might be, there's always the old hatred and it's too strong to disappear entirely. So, the relationship is pretty much doomed from the beginning...

I'm sorry to say that the fic won't have a happy ending :( But next part is still all kinds of nice and cheery. It'll be a long chapter so it might take me a while to finish it. Plus there's teh main sex scene, and I'm just dreading to write it...

Heh, I'm looking forward to snow and winter as well. We get really long, dark, cold and usually snow-filled winters up here in Finland. No wonder Finnish people are prone to depression! But I personally love winter :)
crow_doll on September 6th, 2007 02:04 am (UTC)
Can I just tell you that you made my day with this post? I hope you finish this soon I am dying to know what happens! :::goes back to hiding::
not telling!yorda_ on September 6th, 2007 07:14 am (UTC)
I'm so happy to hear that :) I'll try to finish the next part soon, but it'll be a long chapter, so it might take me a while to write it.
dramapunk: Rings ondramapunk on September 6th, 2007 07:23 am (UTC)
this was fantbulous! you painted a wonderful image of them in the snow. winter has to be one of my favorite times of year, and you caught it very well.

I can't wait for the next bit. :D Keep up the good work
not telling!: Siriusyorda_ on September 6th, 2007 07:30 am (UTC)
Thank you, thank you :) I really love winter. It's my favorite season and it's nice to hear I'm not the only one who thinks so. Most people can't stand it. The winters in Finland are really long and dark (almost five months) but I love every bit of it. And there's Christmas and it's my favorite holiday, so it's nice to write about it.
dramapunk: I've got legsdramapunk on September 7th, 2007 06:53 pm (UTC)
Yeah I live in California, the winters here are one of two things they are either wet and cloudy or they are clear and cold and crisp.

But yes it is nice to know that some one else shares my love for winter.
nuuknuuk on September 6th, 2007 08:36 am (UTC)
I randomly listened to Ben Folds - Gracie while reading the kissing scene and gosh how those fit together perfectly! That song is now ruined... in a rather good way, though.
not telling!: Snapeyorda_ on September 6th, 2007 09:51 am (UTC)
I'm not familiar with that song but I'll have to check it out now.
nehalenianehalenia on September 6th, 2007 09:59 am (UTC)
That was beautiful. I could picture everything perfectly the way you wrote it, from Snape behind his fortress of books, to the snow starting to fall. I loved the broom scene, and I didn't think it was Aladdin/Jasmin at all -- especially not with Snape freaking out mostly the whole way. ;-) To me it was much more like when the movie cowboy pulls his reluctant sweetheart over the saddle and rides off so they can be alone together. I really enjoyed the last scene with Sirius behind him.

And count me in with the winter-loving folks. Not that we get what you'd call winter down here, but I still love it.
not telling!: Siriusyorda_ on September 6th, 2007 10:26 am (UTC)
To me it was much more like when the movie cowboy pulls his reluctant sweetheart over the saddle and rides off so they can be alone together.

Wonderful! That's the kind of image I wanted to paint :)

I really enjoyed the last scene with Sirius behind him.

I'm relieved to hear that because I personally don't like fluffy stuff all that much, and it shows in my writing. I'm not very experienced/good at writing scenes like this. I feel that with these two characters there isn't much room for fluff, but I knew I wanted this part to be a bit on the sweet/romantic side. And in the end I thought that Sirius sharing his cloak with Snape like that would be good enough. (anything more at this point would've been overkill)

itylienitylien on September 6th, 2007 12:31 pm (UTC)
In my place we got a summer, kind of summer anyway, and this picture of two dark-clad creatures on the first snow... it's just cool. So very readable. Yummy.

You know what? I like the way you wrote about Sirius’ relationship with Regulus. Or no relationship… I can't remember the word... Anyway, I like that he likes his younger brother. Like the affection with what he thinks about him. So... well, normal I think.

Job as good as always it seems. More!

[Again, sorry if unreadable.]
not telling!: Siriusyorda_ on September 6th, 2007 12:57 pm (UTC)
We have autumn here in Finland and I'm looking forward to winter because it's my favorite time of the year :) Anyway, thanks for the comment, I'm really happy you keep enjoying my fic!
skitty_kat: hugskitty_kat on September 6th, 2007 07:47 pm (UTC)
Oh, I wish we got decent snow down here. Once a year, if we're lucky.

This is lovely. *pets the boys* Several points in canon I just want to slap them and tell 'em to shag and get on with it. I can't help but feel that all their arguments would have been solved with a quick shag.

Thank you! I'm looking forward to more (not that I'm needy, y'know).
not telling!: Snape OotPyorda_ on September 6th, 2007 08:01 pm (UTC)
Thank you kindly :)

Several points in canon I just want to slap them and tell 'em to shag and get on with it.

Ditto ;) And I'm already working on the next part. We get really long winters where I live in, and most years we also get a lot of snow. And I don't mind the freezing cold or the minimal amount of daylight we get because I like winter. Though I have to admit that December is pretty hard to get through because the sun rises around 10 am and sets a little past 3 pm...
Air Unzbuzzlerherbailiwick on September 8th, 2007 03:49 am (UTC)
I love him putting his robes around Sev too and just holding him.
senjism on September 8th, 2007 08:50 am (UTC)
yay! loving this still
not telling!: Snape OotPyorda_ on September 8th, 2007 10:07 am (UTC)
I'm happy to hear that :) I'll probably post the next part later today.